I don’t know many people who grow up without any expectations placed on them, whether they are spoken or unspoken. Most parents and caregivers have a vision they would like to see for their child: work in this kind of job, marry this kind of person, and have this kind of life. It may not be an intentional or conscious thought, but I believe we all have hopes and dreams for our kids.
Parents often think of it in terms of I hope your life is different/better than mine. Sometimes, those hopes and dreams shift to expectations and demands: “you will be an attorney and join my law firm.” Or: you will NOT attend college because then you’ll think you’re better than me.
Spoken or unspoken, many messages from our parents and caregivers may or may not align with what we want for our lives. I wasn’t discouraged from having a career, but I wasn’t encouraged either. I think we all assumed I would marry someone who would take care of me financially so that I wouldn’t have to work, and could focus my attention on my children. That’s not how things went down. And when I needed to work, I was unprepared. I received training to get a teaching certificate because it worked best for me as a single mom: a schedule similar to my children’s.
There were many things about teaching that I loved. I enjoyed the process of helping someone understand a new concept and then seeing the recognition on their face. I tried to make things fun and interesting for my students. Some of them have said I made a difference in their lives. And that’s what I want to do now: make a difference in people’s lives by teaching them how to regain their power and peace.
There have been times when I have wished I had pursued a different career, specifically, architecture (which I love!). When I was in college, my “not-enoughness” was very present and I didn’t believe I was smart enough to learn it. Later, I went back to school for an adjacent discipline: landscape architecture (which I also love), and have worked in that field ever since, usually creating landscape designs for people to install themselves. I have contemplated going back for an architecture degree. Still not sure about that one, but I’m no longer afraid of trying.
Here’s the thing: generally, our work lives are from about age 18-67. That’s almost 50 years. The average life span is about 77 years. Using those numbers, we spend 2/3 of our lives working at our careers.
Regardless of where your internal expectations come from originally, you have the power to look at them and see how they fit in your life today. Are you doing something you love, or are you just marking days and picking up a paycheck?
Does it make sense to spend 2/3 of your life doing something you hate?
The expectations within you may have nothing to do with work. Maybe it’s about your health, your skills, or how you spend your time. If there is something in your life that you want to change, I have the solution!
If you want a different life, you have to take a different action. I know that sounds too simple…too easy. Sometimes it’s the simple things that work. Maybe you need education or training…maybe you need to stack some cash…maybe you need to make some physical changes. But it all starts with one action…one step…one shift in perspective. Old keys don’t open new doors.
The truth is, you’ll probably need to rack up a LOT of little actions to get where you want to be. But it’ll be worth it. So will the journey. I try to look at the things in front of me…especially the scary things…as an adventure. It’s all about the narrative!
Take a different action toward your new life. ANY action.
Start TODAY!
My TikTok and Instagram reel are on this topic today!